Everyone knows how much good marks in India mean and when you don’t score oh god say hello to lectures and sometimes beatings too. I guess this is faced by everyone but I guess I wasn’t strong enough to dare it or how shall I say I was stupid enough to do something I shouldn’t have.
Being a national swimmer and a science student who was trying to crack medical exams is not a good mixture to have an amazing life. And I was the proud owner of this amazing life. And not giving results in both is a cherry on the top.
“If you don’t get marks you won’t get a good college and we will have no other option else than marrying you”, as if marriage is the answer to everything or I am just some kind off burden they want to give to someone else.
All these thoughts used to never let me sleep at night and I used to end up crying till 2-3 AM. I didn’t wanted to share it with my friends because I thought it was something that will eventually pass. As my grades went lower so did my interest in classes I started bunking classes and tutions. And also adopted a new habit of cutting.
It is a disorder which many kids have, it is basically you feel more relieved when you see your blood trickling down. And anything which could distract me was welcomed because I was sick of hearing that I won’t be able to achieve anything in life.
Obviously in the end all my teachers called and asked my parents why wasn’t I turning up for any of my classes and we had this big heated argument at our house and I guess it was the last straw or something.
I decided to end it all for once. I slit open my wrist and I was so deep in my thoughts that I couldn’t even feel the pain while the razor was cutting through my skin the only thing I could see was the blood dripping down from my wrist on to the ground and making a puddle of blood.
My mother entered the room and she started crying I had never seen her crying and then I realized that what I did was wrong and then my brother almost fainted. The cut wasn’t deep enough so I didn’t die I guess I was lucky.
Well eventually I told my parents about how much I could do and not to expect me to do wonders and even if they didn’t commented on it I could see that they were finally understanding my point. And that was the last time I ever tried to cut myself.